Before it Ends

Incredible what can happen in a year...looking back at my journal and blog entries, I've come to find, 2010 really was one of the most incredible years of my life (even though it didn't feel like it most of the time). Funny how that happens; how mediocre moments can be transformed into blissful memories; or strands of tragedy can only be remembered as static bliss once you know the outcome.
That's the way this year has been. Last Christmas, I made it all the way through the day without crying. Then, I curled up in the fetal position and wept...wept over things of the past-wept over what was going to come.
I had just bombed all my finals at The University of Oklahoma because I was entirely too emotionally exhausted from my separation with my "high school sweetheart" to go on. Literally. I took a semester off.
And that...was the best semester of my life.
Breathing room? It was fantastic.
After so much struggle at the end of 2009 and throughout the beginning of the year, I began to seek professional help, and in turn met one of the most incredible people I've ever known, Randy Hendrix (a Christian councilor) that helped lead me back to the one thing that had been missing for too long in my life...
Christ.

That summer, I began plunging deeper into Jade-trying to figure out who she was. And it seemed-it didn't matter how far I dove...I would just get more lost and more broken with each day that went by.
But then there was Christ...and to have him there (even though I wasn't choosing to actively talk to him as much as I should have) took a huge burden off of my shoulders.
It wasn't until July that my world was turned upside down.
God speaks to people in very different ways...and if you've been following my blogs, you know me...about the dream, about the call, about the signs...and about how Christ saved me from all my despair by leading me to a new place entirely...

Hello Nashville Tennessee.

And...sorrow and sighing fled away.
Throughout 2010, and especially throughout the past five years, I've chased many empty vices...
and every time I've come up short-only finding dead ends.

Now, I choose to chase the Truth...
The Way
The Light...
And He's everything.

He brought me the friends that I've been praying about for years; hope, a new vision and a fresh future, and-the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
So,
Before it ends-I want to look at last year's resolutions and see how I did.


2009-
1. Find God.
2. Stop trying to control my life
3. Learn how to trust people
4. Stop being afraid of love
5. Look at the bright side when plans fail
6. Learn how to have faith
7. Be a better friend
8. Listen more, talk less
9. Don't make promises that I can't keep
10. Stop wasting time on people that will never love me, and celebrate the ones that do.
11. Find courage
12. Learn how to turn off the cell phone
13. Start taking bubble baths
14. Stay Single
15. Let Go


Interesting.
2, I'll admit I still have trouble with
And 8 and 9 deserve to be on the list again this year.
14 is comical to me-and makes it evident that God has a sense of humor.
12 and 13 were my greatest accomplishments
10 I've improved on greatly
3-8 God took care of when I learned how to do
Number 15

And number 1.


Overall, I'm pretty proud of myself and so grateful for the miracles God has given me in my life!

I am better because of His glory and His mercy and His forgiveness-

And I now know what big faith and a little bit of courage will do.