One Fine Wire

Since Thomas came, I've made many realizations about changes I need to make in my life; things that I've been running from for a very long time-one of these being dealing with my fears, my selfishness, my jealousy, and most of all my immaturity. Sometimes I feel incredibly weak and weary over it. Because I wasted all of those years that I had on looking backwards and I wasn't prepared to be given something so perfect. Now, every single day is a balancing act. I feel like I'm walking on one fine wire. If I slip, I lose the love of my life-if I make it across, everything will be perfect-I get him, I'll meet my purpose, I'll have my ministry...and I'll be happy. I'll have who God intended for me. But if I stumble, if I don't follow through with what I've been taught all these years to do...then I will fail and lose him. And my back is against a wall. Because it's between succeeding and failing, losing and winning, growing or staying here for the rest of my life. I'm ready to climb this mountain, though I am a bit perturbed.

Because over these passed few years, I've been given all these tools with specific instructions, and stupid me...was too focused on the safety net to listen.
So I'm climbing this mountain with all these tools-weighing me down,
Because I'm clueless as to how to apply them.

And the safety net is gone-

And at the top is
Christ-

Just like my dream,


And the person he had for me...is waiting with him,

Just like he promised.