For Laila

aTonight my stomach is in knots and my heart is pounding, and I can't sleep. And I am amazed at how something that seems so trivial...(like the birthday of my dog) could trigger my anxiety and send me spinning into a full blown attack.

But tonight, my heart can't seem to stop begging God:

"Just one more year God. Just one more year! Please God, I didn't get enough time with her. Just one more year."

To some people, I'm sure this seems strange; to some people, pets are pets and people are people, but in our house, our animals are part of the family; invited up into bed with us and everything.

But over the years, like everyone, I think I've taken not just that, but many things and people I love for granted. I hate all the days that I was more concerned with what I didn't have than with what I did.

It sounds so cliche I know; but as of right now I can't stop spinning-because I just realized how fragile time really is. It's heart-wrenching.

You wake up one day, and everyone is gray and everyone is gone; fading away in picture books and you wish you had one last moment there...so you suck the sweetness out of every memory, because the memories are all you have left.

I weep.

I weep because I hate myself for all the shallow days; or the days that I considered a monotonous droning procession. The truth is...they each were a gift; glory that slipped right through my finger tips...

A day with my mother,

A day with my family,

A day with my grandparents,

My dogs

Or Zach Harrington-

Before his life ended.

And I weep tonight.

I weep.

Because for the first time in my entire life...I get it. Life is so real; so short...so precious.

For the first time in my life, I'm finally more concerned about the time I lost with the people I love the most in the world-than the things I've constantly chased, but never really needed to begin with.

Laila, I love you.

Happy Birthday.