Did You Come in?

I thought I felt!

Some stir-

Perhaps summed up in naivety;

Some false belief.

Oh!

You, who I drowned myself in

Like thick strokes of acrylic-

Every color;

Life

Rich fibers,

Depth;

All encompassing-

You.

And low I've been since I've

Been "found".

For when I was lost,

You surrounded me.

I unveil my heart in their

Piano chords

But there still is no sound;

Nor face of you

That I can trace.

I stroll the streets

You've paved beneath me

And search the trees-

But your face is not there.

And Your

Hands I can't feel

And the silence I can't bear

When I'm on my face for You.

Was I not more found

When I was lost?

Or

Did You just not come in?

Or was it this dreary monotony

That devoured it all

And stifled

And silenced Your glory?

That was once the only sound

I painted to-

Morning light so bright

I'd soak in it

Pruning my fingers in the presence of You;

Every brush stroke, Your magnificence-

In awe,

My fingers danced;

In every sip of morning coffee I'd savor You.

And I was more

In Your presence

In the lyrics of

The Fray

Or Alpha Rev

Or Train;

Than this tune of restraint.

Was that not You?

Did I mistake You

For some enticing sin?

Was that not Your love

When I prayed to You

Anyway

Though I couldn't fully comprehend Christ?

Was that not You?

Did you not come in?

Did You not abide in me

Then?

Did You forget

Our garden talks and evening walks;

Were they nothing?

Did they mean nothing?

Because it's all nothing to them.

Are you the God who condemns?

Because I'm trembling under You

Wondering if I'm really

A child of Yours or not.

Because the one they say you are

Is not the one who used to

Move my hands through blades of grass

Or teach me about the lilies.

In terror I

Pause

Beneath you

Because one day I became too unworthy

To ask you to stop in

And have a cup of tea with me

Like You used to.

Was this "finding You"?

This apathy?

Because in the dream you promised me

I'd never be thirsty again.

And I'm so thirsty

In this never-ending drought without You.

So I'll sing loudly

And praise You-

Every ringing note

Close in prayer and secretly know

That I haven't felt You

Since I lost you,

Somewhere in between the hymnal and the church pew.